This will pass

I am on my tenth day with a head cold. I am optimistic the worse has come and gone...however, I have been telling myself that for nine days now. But I am sure that one of these days, I will be right. I have coughed less today than I did the past few days, but today I have had horrible lower back pain. Hopefully tomorrow is better. If not, I will look at a visit to the doctor's office.

Easter was quiet. Dale did spoil me with some Peeps, Cadbury Eggs and Robin Eggs. They are three of my favorite treats and I am trying me best to not eat them all in one day. It is not easy. I love those darn Easter treats. We did not do much to celebrate the holiday. I spent the bulk of the day resting on the couch drifting in and out of consciousness watching TV. Dale spent his day doing odds and ends around the house. We did not even make anything special for Easter dinner, instead opting for reheating leftovers. Not the most exciting of holidays, but I really did need the rest to try to beat this head cold.

It does seem like the weather has finally turned. The snow is almost completely melted from the yard and the days are definitely warmer and sunnier. This makes me happy as it has been a long, long winter. I am excited to see what Spring time in Massachusetts will bring to us. I am looking forward to getting outside more.

Work has been extremely busy. I had four new employees join my team and on-boarding them has kept me busy. I have been struggling keeping all my projects moving forward at a pace I would like to see, but I am hoping now that I have filled my open positions, it will allow me more time to focus. At least that is what I am telling myself. Let's hope that I am right.

We are headed to Alaska in May with our friends - The Spencer's and The Stubbendick's. Knowing that we will be seeing our friends in about 6 weeks proves a great comfort right now. We miss our Colorado friends a great deal. It has been very lonely for Dale and I here in Boston. Not seeing our dear friends on a regular basis has proved extremely difficult for us. When you have the world's best friends, it is tough to not have them in your life on a daily and weekly basis. Time with them in May will help a great deal.

Well, that is about it in the wonderful world of Tom. I am feeling a bit melancholy but I think that is a mix of this head cold, missing friends and being too busy at work. But I know this will pass and I will get back to my usual lighter self. It has just been a few off weeks.

Happy Easter everyone.

Maybe were getting too old

Tomorrow is Easter. I have never been one to celebrate Easter very much. I did not grow up religious so to me Easter was more about Easter baskets filled with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps than anything else.

As an adult who is not religious and does not have kids, it just feels like tomorrow will be another Sunday. Some years Dale and I surprise each other with some Easter treats but I do not think this will be one of those years. I have been battling a head cold all week so I never made it out to go shopping. I spent the earlier part of the week instead focused on Dale's birthday.

Oh well, maybe we are getting too old for Easter baskets anyhow.

Holding onto me

It has been a long week.
Too long.
This head cold continues to plague me.
I cannot shake this damn thing.
It is like a crud caked in my lungs.
Holding onto me.
Tight.
I am tired of listening to myself cough.
I have to imagine Dale and all my co-workers are sick of hearing it too.
At least the weekend is here.
So I can rest.
Relax.
Recuperate.
And return.
To the person I was a week ago.

Proud

Today and tomorrow the US Supreme Court discusses whether Prop 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) are constitutional. It made me happy to see gay equality reach our national courts but what overjoyed me today was the support on Facebook friends. So many of my friends took the time to change their profile picture to the red Human Rights Campaign logo - dedicated to supporting gay rights and gay marriage.

I know to many of you changing a profile logo may seem like a small gesture but it spoke volumes to me. Thank you very much.

As a gay man, I sometimes doubt where we are at as society. I sometimes wonder if people truly care. I occasionally fear people are nice to my face but in reality do not 100% recognize or support my life and my love. Today you each helped to dispel these fears and doubts.

In less than 4 months I plan to walk down the aisle with my partner and love Dale. I hope to one day receive the same rights and benefits as my friends do from our government.

Why?

Our love is equal.
Our commitment is equal.
Our lives are equal.

Our rights should be equal.

So to all my straight friends and allies...thank you for the overwhelming support and showing this humble gay man that the world is growing, changing, evolving and embracing 'love is love'.

Thank you for supporting the life and love that Dale and I share.

Watch (and steal)

Dale's brother Dean sent him a beautiful watch for his birthday. It is really nice and I plan to borrow (steal) it when he is not looking. The odd part is Dale sent Dean a watch for his birthday showing that great minds do think alike.

Quilt

Our friends the Stubbendick's sent Dale the most incredible gift for his birthday - a quilt made from the most amazing photos. It is so beautiful and a great way to share so many wonderful memories. Dale loved it. He keeps sitting and staring at it - so cute.

Birthday boy

Everyone at work showed Dale's lots of love today. How funny is this picture? Love it.

Those bitches!

I have been outdone by my own dogs - those bitches! I can't believe it.

For Dale's birthday I gave him fifty - yes 50 - gifts of love. The 50th gift was a very special pair of cuff links I had custom made from the actual sand from the beach in Ambergris Caye, Belize where Dale and I were engaged. I know - how sweet is that? Fifty wonderful gifts and a pair of cuff links celebrating our love.

Unbeatable, right?

Wrong!

Dale opens his card from our dogs - Lucy and Zoe and finds out they gave him an all expense trip for two to Portugal, Spain and France in October 2013 for 10 days. Yes, those countries on the other side of Atlantic Ocean in Europe.

Those two little bitches completely stole my thunder.

Here I was looking like the best fiancé ever for 15 seconds and our dogs swoop in to out shine me. When the hell did they get a credit card? Or learn to use the Internet?

And they just sit there wagging their tails at us - so proud of themselves. For their sakes, they'd better hope that Dale takes me with him on the trip.

Happy birthday Dale. I love you (not as much as our dogs apparently) a lot.

And for those wondering about the other 49 gifts here is what the birthday boy received:

10 pairs of socks
8 pairs of boxers
7 tank t-shirts
6 v-neck t-shirts
2 personal size pizza stones
2 dress shirts
1 hooded sweatshirt
1 pullover sweatshirt
1 pair of dress slacks
1 container chocolate orange sticks
1 container chocolate raspberry sticks
1 container of ginger snaps
1 bag Lifesavers
1 bag Brach's orange slices
1 tin Altoids mints
1 pair of Yaktracks
1 sweater shaver
1 pair of shoes
1 M&M dispenser
1 bag of personalized M&M's
1 pair of cuff links made from sand from Belize

Happy birthday Dale

Today is a milestone birthday for my love Dale. Happy birthday, Dale! I wish you love, joy and happiness on your special day.

Thank you for being my love.
Thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you being my partner in love.
Thank you for sharing your life.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Thank you for countless smiles.
Thank you for every hug.
Thank you for the joy you bring me.
Thank you for being you.

Happy birthday, my love.

Ugh

I tried to avoid it but it finally got me.

Yes, I caught the cold that plagued Dale last week.

So how did I spend my weekend?

Coughing.

Yeah, that was really all I did. I coughed. And coughed. And coughed some more.

After two days of coughing I am so damn sick of listening to myself. I sound like I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for the past 20 years.

Ugh.

Hopefully this passes quickly.

And for those wondering, I coughed eight times while typing this.

Double ugh.

Puppy Cam

We have a puppy cam. For those wondering how Lucy and Zoe spend their day while Dale and I are at work - here you go. As you can see, they are very good guard dogs. There is no way a squirrel is getting within 50 yards of our house without these two knowing it.

Really?

There has been a ton of media coverage about Republican Senator Rob Portman now supporting gay marriage because his son is gay. I am all for anything that helps with gay quality but every time I see an article about this, I wonder about the logic.

If this was 1865 would Senator Rob Portman have only voted to pass the Thirteenth Amendment to abolish slavery if his son was black?

I know it is a silly comparison but it keeps popping in my head. Even worse is that every time I see this photo of Senator Rob Portman with his family, I think one thing:

Really? The son in the yellow shirt and red pants is NOT the gay one? Come on.

I know that is hugely stereotypical to say, especially as a gay man, but I cannot be the only one thinking this, right?

Disney's Haunted Mansion

i just had a brilliant idea (At least I think it is brilliant and let's be honest I am usually right).

Disney World should rebuild the Haunted Mansion to be a hotel guests stay at. Bam!

They could make all the rooms haunted and have weird stuff happen like:

1. The lights flicker at night
2. The water facet of one of the dual sinks has red, bloody water
3. The bed slides slightly while you sleep so you wake up on opposite side of the room
5. Hologram ghosts appear in the mirror
6. You hear the sounds of screaming
7. Your spouse or significant other disappears while you are sleeping (they send him/her to a Disney spa) then he/she just reappears two days later
8. All the staff are made up to be dead
9. The walls bleed

The list could be endless. It would be amazing and a kick ass experience. People would die to stay there.

You're welcome Disney.

#mybrilliantideafortheday

Unfair

There were a few patches and piles of snow here or there, but overall most of the snow from the previous storms had melted in the past few weeks.

This weekend it finally felt like Winter was giving way to Spring.
I even commented to Dale about it.

But apparently Winter will not give up without a fight because we woke up to six inches of snow.

Yes, cold, wintery, white snow.

This feels completely unfair to me.

Snow in December is charming.
Snow in January or February is expected.
Snow in March is wrong.
Wrong!

I want Spring.

No, I need Spring.
I need flowers, sunshine and green grass.
And I need it now.

Zzzzz's

Lucy is making it an early night. It is only 8:30 PM but she is all snuggled in under Dale on the couch getting in some zzzzz's.

130 calories but worth it

We have graham crackers.
We have Hersey chocolate miniatures.
We have Peeps.
We have a microwave.

So why not make the Easter themed s'mores I saw on Facebook earlier today that substitute a Peep for the marshmallow, right?

They are 130 calories each but are fun so that makes it worth it as a special treat. And they are delicious. I think the sugar on the Peep gives the s'more a little something extra.

Two enthusiastic thumbs up!

Corned Beef and Cabbage

I made our traditional St. Patty's Day dinner of corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, carrots, celery and onion. It was delicious (if I do say so myself and I just did) but my goal is to learn how to cook for two. We have enough leftovers to feed 8 more people.

At the core of my problem

I'm reading a book (yes a real paper book) that is about the psychology of eating and dieting. I am very self aware about my eating habits (good and bad) but figure a book that dove into this subject a bit more could not hurt, right? (This is where you say right.)

Although the book does not (or has not in the first 59 pages) addressed hunger and fullness, I feel these two things tend to be my two biggest areas of weakness when it comes to food. I know thinking hunger is a problem for a fat guy like me (it is okay to say that, I am fat - I am not unaware...it is a reality) seems odd but it is.

I tend to eat even when I am not hungry. Or sometimes I even convince myself I must be hungry. I eat mostly because it is meal time and out of boredom. Now eating regularly scheduled meals is not a bad thing, but eating from boredom is bad. It also does not mean just because it is dinner I need to eat a full meal. If I am not that hungry, I should eat an amount to match said hunger. I need to not eat just for something to do. That is just plain silly and destructive. I need to think about this more each day.

Also, once full I need to stop eating. I do not do this (I know this sounds weird but I don't). It is not like I am poor and do not know if or when my next meal is coming. There will be another meal is about 6-8 hours, so if I am full...I need to stop. I tell myself I do not want to waste food but that is dumb. Scientists have perfected Tupperware. My leftovers will be fine. It is just an excuse to allow myself to keep eating.

So things to remember when I am about to eat or eating:

1. Am I really hungry? When I am not hungry do not eat.
2. How hungry am I? Prepare food to match level of hunger, not just type of meal.
3. Am I full yet? When I start to feel full, stop. It is okay.

Now I know to most of you without food issues this sounds silly, but to those with weight issues this probably rings very true. I really think this is at the core of my problem and if I could just match my food to my true level of hunger and stop myself when full...I would solve half my weight issues.

Okay...back to reading my book.

Spoke to me

I came across this vintage St. Patrick's Day image and for some reason it spoke to me. The holiday has so many connotations of drunken fools that I think a more spiritual image of an angel collecting clovers felt nice to me.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day everyone. I hope you have a great day whether Irish or just Irish for the day.

Unlikely

I hate to be pessimistic but it seems highly unlikely that Lucy will straighten and rearrange the pillows when she is done with her nap.

Ammonia pee smell

Lucy is like a cat the way she likes to lay on the back of the couch in the den. Which is nice as it gives us the feel of a cat without the annoying ammonia pee smell.

Soaking in the sun

Zoe loves the sun. She can't get enough of it. Here she is on the couch in the den soaking in the sun.

Really...another photo?

Dale snapped this photo of Lucy this morning. It is a great shot but part of me feels her expression is "really...another photo?"

Still, I love it since it captures her in her favorite spot...looking out the window.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I am 75% Irish. Or at least I think I am. We were never the type of family to sit and review our family tree; however the last names of my family reveal plenty.

Whittaker is English, but my Mother's maiden name is O'Brien and my maternal Granmother's maiden name is Ryan. That gets me 50% of my Irish-ness. My paternal Grandmother's maiden name is Dwyer so that is another 25%.

So basically as I tell it...I was on my way to a great Irish last name until one Englishman came along and messed up my entire family tree. A last name really sets the tone for who you are and your manliness. You mess with a Ryan or an O'Brien and six guys in hoodies show up at your front door to get even. You mess with a Whittaker and someone probably just threatens to bake you a Shepherd's pie.

Oh well, you can't win them all, right? You can't be as ruggedly handsome as me AND expect to have a cool last name like Ryan. But Tom Ryan does sound way more badass than Tom Whittaker, right?

And you are probably thinking does Tom really think he is ruggedly handsome? No, I am not crazy. I am really what you would call classically handsome versus ruggedly handsome. Duh!

Anyhow...back to St. Patrick's Day and the reason for this post. My 75% Irish says Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone and wishes everyone a year full of good luck, prosperity and happiness. My 25% English says to knock it off with all that drinking and four-leaf fairy crap. If you want good luck, prosperity and happiness stop wishing for it and get a job.

I feel so conflicted.

Sweetest

She is the sweetest dog ever.

St. Patty's Day

Some good ol' Irish fun came to my office today for Saint Patrick's Day, including a giant, creepy leprechaun that Dale arranged. The leprechaun was very funny. He danced and sang happy birthday to our co-worker Kelly. It was a great time - plus we had mojitos. I don't think anyone drank the mojitos except for me but I had 3/4th of the pitcher so I enjoyed myself.

Here is a link to the video of the singing leprechaun - http://youtu.be/TqtQMj_FgZw.

Tiny

That little dot in the picture is Lucy. She seems so tiny in such a big backyard.

Eternal Balloons

One month later these balloons Dale Gloude bought me for Valentine's Day are proving to be the best investment ever. They have barely deflated at all.

Bad ass

I woke up today with a bruise on my face. I have no idea what caused it. Several people at work asked me what happened. It sounds crazy to say I don't know and somehow I bruise myself in my sleep so instead I told them I think Dale Gloude hits my while I am sleeping. I think it is a win-win-win. I do not sound crazy, I get sympathy and Dale sounds bad ass.

Pope this and Pope that

Obviously the big news today is the new Pope. It is all Pope this and Pope that. I am not a religious person (but do consider myself spiritual) so I am not a huge Pope follower but I do find the pageantry of the selection of the Pope interesting. I think the world needs more pageantry.

Anywho...one of the most interesting things I read about the Pope and Catholic Church today was this:

"The Catholic Church is structured like a franchise organization, with an overall headquarters that guides -- and guards -- the brand and fairly autonomous branches, the local dioceses," says Charles Zech, director of the Center for the Study of Church Management at Villanova University.

"The new pope need not be an accountant or a financial wizard but, says Zech, he does have to "provide better leadership in protecting the brand name and clean up the headquarters to make it more effective and rid it of its reputation for scandal."

It is an interesting way to look at the Catholic Church. I never really thought of it this way, but the Catholic Church is a giant franchise organization and it has a bad reputation right now. It really does need to clean up its brand name from all the scandals.

So can the new Pope provide that leadership, integrity and restore the Catholic Church? I don't know but I would feel more comfortable if a Pope that supported loving and respecting all of God's children - no matter of who they are, their faith or who they love was selected..I think if he promoted a church focused around love, acceptance, tolerance and charity - that church would have a much better reputation.

Just my two cents.

Meeting the dietitian

So I met with the dietitian this morning. I have mixed reviews on the meeting.

The dietitian reviewed my six week eating history that I recorded daily on www.myfitnesspal.com and the good news is:

• I understand that it if I want to lose weight I have to burn more calories than I take in. 
• I understand how to read food labels. 
• I understand what I should be eating and how to make good food choices. 
• I am doing a great job controlling my daily calorie intake. 
• I have a good balance between carbohydrates, fat and proteins. 

The bad news is I understand too much - her words, not mine. Typically what the dietitian teaches people is:

• The basic science of losing weight
• How to read food labels
• What they should be eating
• How to measure and track calorie intake
• What are carbs, fats and proteins

As you can see I already knew the things the dietitian typically teaches. So we talked more about the where I went wrong in the past since I tend to yo-yo every three years.

We discussed that I feel I am good at losing weight and that I feel I am great at gaining weight. I however am horrible at maintaining my goal weight. This is where my problem truly lies. Once I get to my goal weight, I get lax. I allow small slips that lead to large slips. I stop tracking. Basically I take my eye off the prize. I allow bad habits to become my routine. I eat larger portions. I eat less balanced meals. I eat sweets too often.

So what should I do? I need to set a realistic goal for myself. I need to allow myself a 5 pound swing, but if I go above that 5 pound swing by 1 pound then I need to go back to tracking my food and monitoring what I eat. There can be no exceptions. If I do not do this I will gain back the weight. It happens time and time again. This is good advice. This is where I need the most help with accountability. This is really where the problem lies.

So what next? I have lost nearly 20 pounds since January 1st. I need to stay on that path. I need to lose 30 more pounds. I need to add more activity into my routine. I need to stay focused.

So there you have it...I did not learn a lot of new advice, but she did help me isolate where my biggest struggle lives (which I really already knew too) and helped me put goals and guards around it - so that is good.

No surprise

Tomorrow morning at 8 AM I meet with a dietitian at the hospital to help me with my journey to be healthier. I do not think I will gain a ton of insight from her but I am willing to give it a try based on my Doctor's request. I am fair too analytical to not know the issue - I consume more calories than I burn. It is simple math.

However, understanding the math and living in reality are two separate things. I need to do a better job of managing the calories I do eat. I need to consume less fats, sugars and carbohydrates, while consuming more fruits, vegetables and protein. I know all of this. I have tried all of this. The problem is I fall into bad habits. I eat too many processed foods. I eat too many large portions. Again, all of this is not a surprise.

The hard part is my reality is not the same as everyone else's reality. Dale and I pretty much eat identical meals. We also get the same amount of exercise. However, I gain weight and he does not. I have to assume he has a better metabolism. I think about my Mom's family and their obesity. Many of my relatives on her side were morbidly obese. My Mom always worked hard to control her weight too. I have to assume I inherited their metabolism. And it sucks.

However, I am not giving up. Like
I said - I need to make the most of the calories I do eat. And look to the dietitian for simple, solid plans to a healthier Tom.
Wish me luck.

Adjusting

I am slowly adjusting to my new face - well not as much new but hairless. In all honestly it has been a bit shocking looking at myself in the mirror each morning sans mustache and goatee, but each morning seems to be a bit easier. I am still not sure if I like the new face or not, but time will tell.

What I do wonder is how people handle this change when it is hair color. I know several woman who have gone from blond to red to brown to black over the years. Do they look at themselves in the mirror and feel surprised? Is it just me who got used to his own reflection this much? Am I weird? Don't answer. I already know what you all will say. I wish I could disagree.

Tricky

My clock reads 11:10 PM.
My brain says 10:10 PM.
That is why I am laying.
Typing.
Not sleeping.
Daylight savings is tricky.
I know tonight is not the big problem.
That will be tomorrow morning.
When my clock and brain continue to disagree.
And I am exhausted.

Man in the Mirror

I am suffering a bit from shavers remorse. I had my goatee and mustache (technically referred to as a van Dyke) shaved on Saturday. I cannot decide if I like it. Maybe I just need to get used to it. I cannot remember a time when I did not have a goatee. I think I have had it for about 15 years. I am not sure. But I am used to seeing a goatee in the mirror and it is freaking me out.

The space between my lip and nose seems naked. My face seems rounder and nondescript. The reviews have been mixed on Facebook. How funny that people on a thing called Facebook are commenting about my facial hair, huh?

Anyhow...some like it and say I look younger and some have urged me to grow it back immediately. I sort of wanted something different but my face feels naked and exposed.

Maybe I will just grow back a mustache for a while. I don't know. Maybe I just need to get used to clean shaved Tom looking back at me in the mirror.

Zoe

Zoe loves laying in the sun.

Lazy Sunday

Well it is for our dogs Zoe and Lucy at least. Slackers!

Once, twice

I've said it once.
I've said it twice.
But our driveway is too big.
However I should not complain.
My fat butt could use the exercise.
So maybe a big driveway is a blessing.
Or a future coronary.

A little broken

I think I am missing a chromosome.

Well I am missing a chromosome if there is a sports fan chromosome. I did not pay enough attention in Mr. Whalen's biology class back in the 10th grade I guess to remember. All I remember is him telling everyone that they needed to get organized. Anyhow, the point is I am an awkward sports fan so I must be missing that chromosome.

I went to a Boston Bruins hockey game on Thursday night with coworkers. It was a nice evening and I liked the game, but as I looked at all those screaming Bruins fans dressed in their black and yellow, I realized that has never and likely never be me. I am not referring to the black and yellow specifically or even hockey specifically but the team spirit thing. Now yes, I could wear team colors. That is not difficult. Yes, I could scream whenever everyone else does. But it does not come natural. What I realized is that I have never had and will likely never have intensity around a sporting event.

I have never watched a game, match or even a race and felt that extreme intensity. I never want to stand and scream. Hell...I barely feel the need to cheer. It is just not me. And it makes me feel a little broken. I do not have that type of passion when it comes to sports and I wish I did. I look around at those people and they really seem like they are having an amazing time. For me it never really ever gets much beyond an okay or possibly even good time. It is just not my thing.

I sit there instead thinking of how many hours of practice it must take to learn to skate backwards. I sit there wondering where did hockey start and wouldn't this game be funnier with novelty foam sticks. Or that both teams should have to wear identical matching uniforms to make it harder to know who is who to pass the puck. Or even instead of a penalty for high sticking, just take away their stick for two minutes. Or for the second period you can only skate backwards. Or blindfolds instead of penalties. I focus more on the crowd than the actual game.

I just wish I felt that emotion and intensity when it comes to sports - the agony when you lose, the exhilaration when you win, the desire to paint half my face or wear a novelty foam finger. I just do not have that in me. Maybe my parents dropped me as a child. I think we are supposed to blame our parents for this type of thing, right.

Oh well, I am who I am...but that does not mean I am not get a little jealous of those people when I go to sporting events. How can you not envy people so caught up in the moment they have to scream at the ref.