Lucy got her hair did

Lucy got groomed for the first time today. She looks so cute and is so soft. She's even more adorable if that is possible.

I just wish I knew more

I was messaging a friend this morning, who had shared with me that her father-in-law is battling cancer and how different Thanksgiving was without his energy, personality and cooking. He was always the one who cooked dinner in their family and from her words, you could tell family and cooking were his passions. It was nice to hear my friend did her best to honor him and carry on his Thanksgiving cooking traditions.

It made me think about my Mom and her final holidays. When my Mom was sick, I was so focused on the day to day, her comfort and hoping she would get better. My one regret is not asking her more about her childhood and about her life before me. I know the occasional story but I wish I knew and asked more. I wish I wrote down every story she had, so I could re-read them now. I wish I got to know her more as a person and not just as my Mom. What were her dreams? What were her regrets? What inspired her? I just wish I knew more. But we never expect the end to be the end. We always hold out hope there will be time for those things. Sadly, there was not.

On the brighter side of the news

Sorry that the last few posts here have been all about me being sick and overall pretty damn whiny. I hate listening to me too. I am sure tomorrow will be better.

On the brighter side of the news, I am excited that next week Dale and I are headed to NYC for 4 fun-filled days. It will be sightseeing, holiday shopping, fine dining and even a few shows. I need a vacation.

39 going on 79

For the life of me I will never understand why when I get sick with a flu, do I get severe lower back pain. I am completely hunched over today and it hurts to stand. I look 79 years old, not 39. It just seems so old.

Stupid crud

I have been awake since 3:30 AM. I woke burning up. I assume my fever spiked as the room felt like it was 100 degrees. I could not get the blanket or Zoe far enough away from me. Of course Zoe picks this morning to want to lay right next to me. It is 5:45 AM and now that I got everything off of me I am freezing. I can't stand this. I hate this stupid crud.

Ugh.

It is official...I am sick. I did finally fall back to sleep last night, but I just woke up a little before 8:00 AM feeling even worse than I did last night. This sucks. I feel like an apple is caught in my throat. Ugh.

I deserve more

As I lay here in bed,
Sick.
Unable to sleep.
I think to yesterday.

My feelings were hurt yesterday.
That is not easy for me to write,
Or admit.

I usually deny it when I feel hurt.
Not just to others,
But to myself.
I play it off,
Like it did not happen,
Or that I do not matter.

I convince myself that I am fine.
That the person did not mean to hurt me.
I make excuses.
I rationalize.

I feel embarrassed,
That someone I love hurt me.
I feel embarrassed,
That I allowed it to happen.

I feel ashamed,
I gave someone power over me.
Ashamed that someone I love would treat me poorly.
Ashamed I allowed someone to get so close.

I convince myself that it will not happen again,
But I am always wrong.
I am just lying to myself.
Taking the easy way out.

I tell myself it is me.
That it is just me being overly sensitive.
My parents told me I was too sensitive,
Especially my Dad.
When someone hurt me as a child,
And I got upset,
I was told I was being sensitive.
Or at least that is how I remember it.

I was made to believe the other person was not wrong,
But my reaction was.
That feeling hurt was silly.
Or weak.

I know it was my parents trying to help me,
In their own way.
They wanted me to not feel so much pain,
But I think it stuck with me.
And not in a good way.

Now I always defend the person who hurt me.
Internally.
Externally.
I think I am overreacting.
Being too sensitive.
It makes me doubt my own feelings.
Question my reaction.

MaybeI I am sensitive.
But if I am too sensitive,
It is who I am.
And it does not mean I was not hurt.
Or made to feel bad.
Whether intentional.
Or not.
I was still hurt.

Although I tried not to show it,
or even give into it.
I was hurt.

Yesterday I was hurt.
I was used.
I was made to feel less.
I was not honored.
I was not loved.
I was not cherished.
Most of all I was not respected.

I cannot be your backup plan.
Just someone to call when in need.
But not any other time.
I am more than a convenience.
It hurt.
It hurt to try for more,
and be rejected.
It hurt because I love you.

I deserve more.
And need to demand it.
Or not allow you in my life.
It is that simple.

Lying awake in bed

It's 2:30 AM.
I am lying awake in bed.
I have been awake for about 45 minutes.
I woke up with a fever, sore throat and headache.
I went to bed 4 hours or so feeling perfectly fine.
How does stuff like this come on so quickly?
I got out of bed take some Tylenol for my headache and fever.
Could not find any cough drops without digging around.
I did not want to turn on the bathroom light.
And wake up Dale and Lucy.
Zoe already woke up when I got out of bed.
Rummaging in the dark was useless.
I gave up.
Came back to bed.
Ending up waking Dale anyhow.
Did not tell him about cough drop.
Otherwise he'd do searching.
I can't seem to get comfortable in bed again.
I hate that.
I put in my headphones.
I am listening to Christmas music on low.
Thinking maybe music will lull me back to sleep.
Get me out of my own head.
So I can sleep.
I woke up with the a phrase my Mom used to say in my head.
Bless your heart, bless your soul, bless your little potato hole.
My Mom would say it to me.
So would my Grandmother Madeline.
She was my Mom's mother.
I assume my Mom got the phrase from her.
It popped in my head last night.
I Googled it curious on its' origins.
I assumed it was a real saying.
My Mom would say it when I sneezed.
Or just in an affectionate manner.
I found nothing on Google.
I guess it is not a real saying.
And was something my Mom or Grandmother made up.
Weird.
All these years I thought it was a real thing.
Not sure why I suddenly have it stuck in my head.
But I do.
I guess as a kid you assume what your family says.
Or does.
Is the same as every other family.
But it is not.
Too bad you realize this as an adult.
Or you'd ask more questions.
Maybe my Mom thought it was real too.
That her Mom heard it somewhere.
And maybe she did.
Potato hole always seemed funny to me.
I assumed it must be an Irish phrase with potato.
Since my Mom's family was Irish, it made sense somehow.
Again not sure why.
My stomach is grinding.
I went firm feeling so warm.
Too freezing now.
Damn you chills.
Okay, I am going to try to get some rest.
I am not very optimistic.
But I need to try.

The Descendants

We saw the movie The Descendants today for Movie Club. It was a great film.


It stars George Clooney as Matt King, whose wife Elizabeth on life support after a boating accident. Matt takes his daughters on a trip from Oahu to Kauai to confront the man who was having an affair with Elizabeth before her accident.

I was very impressed with the depth of the film. The characters felt three dimensional and real. It captured the sadness and joy of life.

Many speculate Clooney will be Oscar nominated for this film. I cannot see it, especially when you see DiCaprio in J. Edgar. The true stand out performance was the young lady who played Clooney's oldest daughter. If anyone deserves an award it is her. She gave such a believable, emotional performance.

All in all a great film and well worth the $8.50.

Modern Family

I guess everyone does love the TV show Modern Family. I even caught Edward our Elf watching an episode on my iPad.

A sense of peace

I could honestly stare at our Christmas tree all night? Do others a sense of peace from looking at their Christmas lights and ornaments? I just love it.

Date #20 - A Rocky Mountain Holiday

For our twentieth date of the year, I decided to combine Dale's love for the holidays, the theater and his friends. I took Dale to see the play, A Rocky Mountain Holiday at the Miner's Alley Playhouse in Golden, CO. We were joined by our friends - Tammy Robles, Judy Wodell, Shannon Stubbendick, Elle George, Sandy Stubbendick and Steve Stubbendick.

Before the play we headed to the Old Capital Grill in Golden for dinner. The restaurant is in a building from the mid 1800's that served as the first legislature and capital building for Colorado. It was a charming building but only an okay restaurant. I would not say anyone's meals were stellar, but it was good. I think we all just expected more based on reputation and reviews.

After dinner we made a quick trip to Starbucks for some warm beverages (thanks Sandy) and then headed to the play. I took come photos before the show.


A Brady Bunch pose at the theater.


Shannon and Elle.


Sandy and Judy.


Steve and Tammy.


Me and my love, Dale.


The play was very good. It centered on VWF in Silver Bells, CO that takes in a bus of strangers when the highway is closed due to an avalanche. It was a cute mix of song and holiday stories. The songs were definitely the highlights, especially Santa Baby, Hard Candy Christmas, Baby It's Cold Outside and I'll Be Home For Christmas. Here is a shot of the stage at intermission:


Some holiday stories were better than others, but overall most were too long. The play could have used some editing. Nonetheless it was a fun time and it was a great way to kick off the holiday season. Besides, our group of friends is so much fun, any time with them is a blast.



Dale using Sandy and Judy after the show as a couch.


Steve with Stubby Pringles.

Plus I had three hours of holding Dale's hand in the theater, so that is pure joy for me.

Special Ornament

This ornament is always a special laugh.



Annually we host an ornament exchange for our closest friends. Our friend Barb Pemble took this ornament off her own tree and wrapped it for the exchange (rather than bring a new one like everyone else did). I think she made or bought it when she was 9 or 10 back in Michigan. Someone who got it brought it back and re-gifted it another year at the ornament exchange. Now it proudly sits on our tree right in the center for everyone to enjoy.

Through the years

Over the years we have been given by friends or purchased ornaments that represent our family. They make for nice reminders of our years together.

All aboard

Dale set up my train under the Christmas tree. It has been a few years since we put the train out at Christmas, so it is a fun treat for me.

Christmases Past

Dale has several antique ornaments that belonged to his parents, grandparents and aunts that he kept. It is always a nice reminder of his family as we put them on the tree each year and for Dale of Christmases past. They are so beautiful and delicate.

A few of my favorite things

Dale and I decorated the Christmas tree this morning. I of course snapped a few photos of some of my favorite ornaments. They are like old friends we see each winter.



This is by far my favorite. I love this snowman and his crocked nose. He always makes me smile.


This fat bellied penguin was a new addition last year and is made from a recycled light bulb.


I love these four elves. They seem so playful and a little devious. They have such personality.


He is a s'more and a hunter. Again, he always makes me smile.


I love that Dale has this made from lifesavers and yarn. It is so old school.

I love Christmas

It is the best time of year because wonderful people bring you wonderful treats. Our friend Judy Wodell dropped off this tin of cookies and rice krispie treats. Yum! Thanks Judy.

I hope she is too

It is difficult sometimes to explain my love of Christmas lights. Simply put, they remind me of my Mom and when I sit to look at them I feel so much closer to her. It is like she is sitting there with me.


I blogged about the connection between my Mom and holiday lights back in December of 2007. I think that post probably explains it best.

She is still in my heart and I love this time of year because I feel she is all around me. Sitting by our tree tonight, my Mom was on my mind. I felt at peace. I hope she is too.

It is perfect

It is 11:18 PM on a Saturday night. Dale and I are sitting in the living room with Zoe and Lucy by the glow of the Christmas tree listening to Christmas music. It is perfect.

Creations in Cork

I forgot to mention it earlier, but if you want to buy one of these cute reindeer that we bought at the craft fair in Arvada check out www.creationsincork.com. The couple who sell them, Greg and Kathy Burdick are darling and live in Erie, CO.

O' Christmas Tree

The Christmas tree is up and lit. We just need to decorate it now, but that will have to wait for tomorrow.

Black Friday Shopping

Yesterday, Dale and I joined our friend Sandy Stubbendick for a arts and crafts fair at the Arvada Center. It was 150 vendors selling their creative goods. We had a great time, in part because we were with Sandy and in part because we were supporting local vendors, who had some very nice, unique things. It was a nice way to spend Black Friday, rather than fighting it out at the mall.

I bought these two Christmas additions:


Remember, take some time this Christmas season to support small local businesses, including today which is Small Business Saturday.

J. Edgar

Yesterday, I saw the movie J. Edgar. It was a very good movie. Leonardo DiCaprio did a phenomenal job portraying the J. Edgar Hoover and once again Clint Eastwood delivered a great film. Overall, the movie was an extremely interesting look at a complex man, who really in many ways shaped our country and survived eight presidents as head of the FBI all while having a secret gay affair.

To get an interesting perspective on the movie, please check out this quote from my friend Steve, who saw the movie with me and posted this on Facebook afterwards.

"My one movie of the year. Quite good. I learned the secret to keeping your job is always have dirt on your bosses." - Steve Stubbendick

Well said Steve. This is definitely a movie to check out. I highly recommend.

A bet is a bet

Yesterday was all about paying off some debts. You see, a few months ago I was bowling with my dear friend Sandy Stubbendick and she bet me a fish dinner, she could beat me. She won. A few weeks ago, while bowling again, she bet me a movie and concession snacks, she could beat me. She won again. Obviously, Sandy is a very good bowler and a bet is a bet, so I owed Sandy dinner and a movie.

Sandy barely mentioned me owing to her, so I was a little surprised when I found a day old fish wrapped in newspaper last week on the front porch with a note that read, "Pay up bitch or the fish will not be the only thing dead and rotten. ~ Love, Sandy". I laughed nervously at Sandy's humor, but quickly called and scheduled a time for a movie and dinner just to be safe. Sandy demanded and I settled upon the Friday after Thanksgiving.

So yesterday afternoon Sandy, her kind husband Steve, my sweet partner Dale and I all headed to the AMC Theater at the Westminster Promenade to see the film J. Edgar starring Leonard DiCaprio, which Sandy selected. Since a bet is a bet, I purchased Sandy's ticket. Since a bet is a bet, I also told Sandy to get anything she wanted at the snack bar. I will not lie, I did feel slightly taken advantage of when she not only ordered a large soda and popcorn as I expected but also three hot dogs, nachos, five boxes of Junior Mints, an Icee, Milk Duds, two coffees and another popcorn. But, I am a good sport, so I told myself a bet is a bet. $184 later, not to mention the rental fee for the hand truck to move Sandy's food and we headed into the theater to see our movie.

We all enjoyed J. Edgar. Well, I enjoyed most of the movie. Sandy sent me to fetch (her word, not mine) more food from the snack bar about 20 minutes into the film, so I have to admit I missed some of the movie hauling the hand truck back and forth. I know you are thinking how did Sandy eat all that food? She didn't. Sandy must have been feeling very giving with Christmas just around the corner, because she gave away a lot of the snacks, I purchased, to our fellow theater patrons. Sandy was of course too generous to take any of the thanks for herself. When people tried to thank her, she always pointed to me and said, "Don't thank me. See that dandelion over there, who can't bowl. Thank him." I felt very special that she gave me a nickname like dandelion. The three addition trips to the snack bar were exhausting, but Sandy seemed happy and I told myself, a bet is a bet. The movie was quite good and my hat goes off to Leonardo for a fine acting performance as J. Edgar Hoover and Clint Eastwood for directing. You will definitely see this film at the Oscars and it is worth checking out.

After the movie, we all headed to GB Fish and Chips in Edgewater. Sandy demanded picked it and told us it was the most expensive best fish and chips in all of Denver. We arrived and a bet being a bet, I told Sandy that her dinner was my treat. She thanked me and proceeded to order her fish and chips dinner and six more to go. I was a little surprised by the to go meals, but I was completely shocked when she walked over the the restaurant bar, pointed to me and said, "Drinks for everyone! On him." I guess Sandy was caught up in the holiday spirit again or perhaps the thrill of being at a traditional British fish and chips house, but no matter why, she definitely wanted to make sure everyone had a good time. Sandy is very generous that way. Thankfully, there were only about 20 or so people in the bar. Besides, a bet is a bet and all the people in the restaurant cheering made me feel special.

I snapped this photo of Sandy and Steve at GB's. Sandy looks so evil happy, which is nice.



The restaurant called in some extra staff and eventually brought what looked to be all of SeaWorld over to Sandy. Dale, Steve and I received our food too. I will admit that Sandy was right and GB does have amazing fish and chips. I really enjoyed the cod. I highly recommend this place. I did not love that I had to take out a second mortgage on our house when the bar bill arrived, but I told myself a bet is a bet and quietly signed the paperwork.

The car ride home was okay. I do not think anyone could hear me sobbing from the backseat as I tallied up the receipts from the evening. I tried to put on a brave face. Besides it was tough to hear my crying since Sandy was singing, "I beat Tom, I beat Tom," the whole way home. It was however, extremely kind of Sandy to drive. She is very thoughtful.

We arrived at mine and Dale's home and we had Sandy and Steve in for coffee and pie. We all laughed when Dale offered the group apple pie, cherry pie, key lime pie or mint ice cream pie as options. It is funny how many pies you end up with around the holidays. We enjoyed our pie and drinks. We even ended up playing a friendly game of Mexican Train Dominoes. I won the game and after my victory thought to myself, I should have bet Sandy on this game but told myself the real reward is spending time with friends and not anything I would gain from betting Sandy.

Sandy and Steve left just before midnight and on her way out, Sandy asked when we were going to bowl again. I think I did a good job hiding the fear from my face, but I think Sandy and Steve may have noticed the stream of urine running down the front of my pants. I never expected that to be my reaction to bowling as I used to love the game. I have no reason to be negative. After all, Sandy won at bowling fair and square. I know this because Sandy told me this several times last night. Sandy won and she was simply collecting her prize. She also told me this several times. I got everything I deserved from losing (again Sandy's words, not mine). I once saw a special on TV about women in bad marriages facing domestic violence and they often said they got exactly what they deserved. I am not sure why they popped into my head just now.

Anyhow, a huge congratulations to Sandy on not beating me once, but twice at bowling. You are a gracious winner and I will never would love to bowl again. I just need to cash in my 401K first.

In other news, I spent most of this morning searching the job boards online for some part-time work. I really want to get a second job to pay off that second mortgage, so if you hear of anything, please let me know.

In all seriousness, we had a great time yesterday and spending time with the Stubbendick's is always a blast. I could not think of anyone I would rather lose to than Sandy. (That is how you told me I'd better say it, right Sandy?)

More from Edward the Elf

Our Elf, Edward has been up to his tricks hiding all over the house for Dale and I. He has become a fun little holiday tradition.

Hiding behind the living room pillow. I swear I could hear him giggling.

I told you he liked danger. He scaled our kitchen cabinets.

No coffee for you Edward. Good try.

Finally, he is doing some chores. Thanks for putting away the laundry Edward.

Thanksgiving Lobster

One of my favorite things from Thanksgiving yesterday was this little guy. Yes, it is a lobster-shaped roll...not to be confused with a lobster roll. Sandy made this lobster-shaped roll just for me. She made everyone else a turkey-shaped roll.

A lobster roll...well, lobster-shaped roll

So why did Sandy make me a lobster-shaped roll? Sandy is a wonderful hostess. She is probably one of the most considerate hosts. She wants people in her home to feel not only welcome, but like a part of her family. She is incredibly kind and caring. When Sandy invited Dale and I to Thanksgiving dinner, Sandy being Sandy texted me one day and asked if there were any Thanksgiving foods or traditions she should know about to help ensure our Thanksgiving at her home was like Thanksgiving at our home. How sweet is that, right? I told she was one of the most amazing hostesses ever.

Well, me being me...texted back that my Mom always made lobster for Thanksgiving and I would like to have that tradition carried on. I was of course being a smart ass as my Mom made turkey every Thanksgiving.  Sandy knew it, but her daughters Shannon and Stacie kept asking if she was really making lobster for Thanksgiving. Shannon actually started requesting it I think. It became a funny joke and several of our friends half expected Sandy would actually make lobster for Thanksgiving.

Sandy did not make lobster for Thanksgiving. She kept it traditional with turkey, but when I arrived my mojito from Steve had a lobster stirrer in it, which was very funny. However, the big laugh came at dinner when everyone was served a turkey-shaped roll at dinner and mine was not turkey-shaped, but lobster-shaped. It was very funny and lobster will always have a special meaning for me now on Thanksgiving.

My mojito rock lobster

Thanks Sandy for the lobster shaped roll and for being a wonderful hostess. You always make everyone in your home feel like a part of your family and I was blessed to be included in your family yesterday.

And the question remains...who has a lobster-shaped cookie cutter? The answer: Sandy of course.