I was at my friend Sandy Stubbendick's house on Sunday for Easter dessert. Our friend, Tammy Robles was there making said Easter dessert, which was a lemon tart with a pecan and grapefruit sauce. Sandy commented how hard it is for Tammy to come up with a dessert that does not contain chocolate, since she (Sandy) is not a fan of chocolate and does not contain berries, since I have a thing against berries that involves berries, dogs and urine (long story). I commented that I do not like grapefruit, but love lemons. Sandy got a piece of paper and told me to write down the things I did not eat so she had the full list. Ugh. Am I really that guy? Am I that picky? Sadly, yes.
Now to my defense, I never, ever expect people to plan meals around my weird food dislikes. It is my issue and I make due. I truly love that Sandy is such a caring friend that she tries to go above and beyond to have meals that to not alienate me. However, let's be honest...it is not like I cannot afford to miss a meal or dessert. Also, I tend to always be able to find enough I like in any meal. If i do not eat the side dish provided, I just eat more of the entree. If I do not like the dessert, I stare at the host or hostess and imagine them dead (just kidding). I did eat Tammy's lemon tart and even tried it with the pecan and grapefruit sauce. The sauce was okay, but I preferred the tartness of the lemon tart without the sauce, which was funny since everyone else said they loved how the sauce cut down the tartness. The tartness was the best part. Again, this just demonstrates who different my taste buds seem to be from everyone else.
So there I sat at Sandy's kitchen island listing all the foods I do not like that included (in no particular order):
Berries (yes, all berries...the next question is usually strawberries and yes, that includes strawberries)
Red grapes (I do like green and black grapes)
Olives (both green and black)
Pineapples (this one seems to drive Dale particularly crazy)
Sweet pickles (I only like dill)
Peaches (it is like biting into a fuzzy arm)
Honeydew melons (the smell is horrible)
Oatmeal (I hate the texture)
Cottage cheese (reminds me of baby vomit)
Fruit cocktail (which makes sense when you read above, huh?)
I am sure I am missing several from this list, but it is all that came to mind at the moment. Now, I will note that I love lima beans and calf liver, which are things that apparently 99% of the world apparently despises. I also love mushrooms, which people find ridiculous since they are a fungus from the ground. I even like sardines.
It is just difficult sometimes as I think everyone thinks I am a bit of a freak when it comes to my foot dislikes. I think i am just more sensitive to textures of foods and as a result tend to stray away from foods with unique textures. Maybe I am just more vocal in what I do and do not like. Maybe most people just sit there and eat foods they do not like? I don't know. I just figure there are more than enough foods out there I love, so why eat foods I do not like.
A lot of people read a list like the one above and think, when what do you eat. Plenty. Hell, I am not starving and would not have been 275 pounds last year if I could not find foods I like, right. By food group, I eat:
Grains - I eat any type of bread, rice or pastas
Dairy - skim milk, all cheeses, vanilla yogurt, eggs, butter
Meats - I pretty much like any type of meat
Fruits - apples, oranges, bananas, green grapes
Vegetables - corn, potatoes, lettuce, onion, tomatoes, beans
So, as you can see I have plenty to pick from. I just think as a society we are too "berry-centric" in our desserts and that is the part that everyone finds so unusual. In reality, I dislike berries for several reasons - 1) the taste usually overpowers everything else; 2) they are gritty and I hate gritty and then there is 3) the whole childhood incident with a dog pissing on berry bushes, which most people assume is the only reason. I get all berries are not coated in urine (only some). I just do not like the taste of berries and when you see a scuzzy dog pissing on them, it is just the final nail in the berry coffin.
Sometimes I think it would just be easier to lie and say I was allergic as most people tend to accept allergies with ease. However, you say you just don't like the taste of something and people think you belong in a circus cage.
Step up one and all....come forward and see the man who does not eat berries or drink coffee. Join us as we watch his face as he spits out this sip of coffee and makes a horrified face of disgust. Laugh as we move a plate of blueberries closer and closer to him.
My favorite question is always what comes immediately after I say something like, "I do not drink coffee." it is usually something like, "Have you tried it?" No, I am 38 years old and I never tried it. I just walk around saying I do not drink it, but it never once ever dawned on me to actually try it. Thank goodness I stumbled upon you. Thank you! Or even better, "Here, try it!" as if they have to physically see me ingest something I hate to in fact prove I do not like it. My guess is they are visual people, who have to see the disgusted look on my face to believe that I could not possibly like a peach. I assume these people must also walk up to a person in a wheelchair and refuse to accept they have a handicap unless they are willing to pull themselves up and try to fail walking. Thank goodness they do not expect me to make out with a woman before they accept I am gay. I can just see it, "No, kiss her and prove to me you don't like girls."
Okay, I am done ranting about berries and my food dislikes now. But please remember, we are all different and this includes our food tastes. That is what makes us so special. Most of all please know that you NEVER need to prepare a special meal for me. I will always make do.